I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
