Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
