i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
