Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
