He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
