TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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