He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
