I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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