please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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