My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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