I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
