Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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