Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
