Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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