I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
