its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's great music for shaving your balls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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