So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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