A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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