bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
