Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
