I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
