Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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