White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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