i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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