just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
