tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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