is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
