how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
