Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
