After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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