the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize