I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i came on her dog
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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