I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
