I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
