I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
