How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
