the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize