I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
