I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
