so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
