So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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