You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
