My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
