I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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