Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
