I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found your dick twin last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
