It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize