My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
