Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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