I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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