i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
