There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
