i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
