she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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