I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
