the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
