Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
