"it" just moved
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
