I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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