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Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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