She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
40s are totally the cure
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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