Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
