goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
