C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He better not be in your backpack
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize