i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you didnt know i had herpes?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hippo gnu deer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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