This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
