you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want a musical about memes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
