I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
