im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
